


Love Me

by twosaltyhunters



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Crying, Dead Dean Winchester, Human Castiel (Supernatural), Hurt Castiel (Supernatural), Hurt Sam Winchester, M/M, Old Castiel (Supernatural), Sam Winchester left
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2019-07-04
Packaged: 2020-06-09 16:15:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19479502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twosaltyhunters/pseuds/twosaltyhunters
Summary: Cas has turned human and is now old. But he still mourns the death of his unrequited love.





	Love Me

**Author's Note:**

> So this fic idea came to me late at night while listening to Love Me by Elvis and I think it turned out pretty nice. The main song in this fic is Love Me. And it says Castiel/Dean Winchester in the tags but I want to make this clear, they are not together and have never been together in this fic. Cas is just in love with Dean. But I decided to tag is Destiel because I guess it kind of is. Anyway, thank you for reading and I'm sorry this is so sad.

It’s been years since Dean has died.

He died on a hunt gone wrong. The brothers and Cas went into a cave; not knowing it was a vampire nest. Sam and Cas got out but unfortunately, Dean didn’t make it.

The legendary Dean Winchester died from a couple of vampires.

Afterward, Sam and Cas tried everything they could do to get him back. They tried witches and demon deals and angels and spells but sadly, nothing worked. Sam tried to stay strong for Cas, just as Cas did for Sam, but they both knew there would be a breaking point. Sam eventually couldn’t do it anymore… so he left. Left Castiel to fend for himself.

To this day, Cas still has no clue where Sam is or what he’s been up to or even if he’s still alive.

Castiel never left the bunker. All these years later, he still stays in his only real home only because it reminds him of the good he once had. So now, Cas sits in the library with a bottle of hard liquor and drunk out of his mind. 

At some point many years ago, Cas wanted to die but he didn’t have the nerve to do it himself. So he stole his own grace. He cut a slit in his throat and stored his grace in a bottle. He took that bottle and threw it on the ocean. So now, Cas is human and old. He has grey hairs and wrinkly skin and everything hurts, but nothing beats the pain of no longer having the brothers anymore.

He’s thinking of old times; times with Sam and Dean. He thinks of hunts and how it felt to finally catch the monster. He thinks of all the people he met because of the brothers and how he’s so grateful he had them in his life. He thinks of late nights with Sam and Dean filled with drinking and laughter.

He thinks of Dean.

Just the thought of Dean makes Cas’s heart ache so he downs more alcohol and gets up to turn on some music. The station that comes on is an oldies station and it seems the last song is just finishing. It’s Love Hurts by Gram Parsons and Emmylou Harris. “Love sure does hurt,” he says out loud. By the time Cas sits down, the song has finally ended and the radio host is introducing the next song. Cas is too out of his mind to listen though. But when the next song finally comes on, his full attention is on the lyrics of the mellow song playing.

_Treat me like a fool, treat me mean and cruel_  
_But, love me_  
_Wring my faithful heart, tear it all apart_  
_But love me_

Cas has never heard this song before, but he’s enraptured immediately. It makes him feel things. Specifically, things having to do with Dean.

_Hey, if you ever go_  
_Darling, I’ll be oh so lonely_  
_I’ll be sad and blue_  
_Crying over you, dear only_

Cas understands the lyrics on a very personal and deep level. He remembers nights filled with tears and thoughts of his only love. The only thing Castiel really wholeheartedly regrets in his long life is that he never confessed his feelings to Dean.

_I would beg and steal_  
_Just to feel_  
_Your heart_  
_Beating close to mine_

He would. Cas would do anything for Dean. He would do anything to bring Dean back so he can be selfish and have him all to himself.

_Well, if you ever go_  
_Darling, I’ll be oh so lonely_  
_I’ll be sad and blue_  
_Crying over you, dear only_

Castiel finally cries. The tears spill over and his state of drunkenness is making it so much worse. Hearing that verse again makes him hurt so much. Cas drinks more and more while his tears fall like rain, but he still keeps listening to the song.

_I would beg and steal_  
_Just to feel_  
_Your heart_  
_Beating close to mine_

The song seems to be repeating itself by now but Cas doesn’t care. He keeps on crying and listening to the familiar verse again. It hurts even more than the first time.

_Well, if you ever go_  
_Darling, I’ll be oh so lonely_  
_I’ll be sad and blue_  
_Crying over you, dear only_

It’s come to an end. The song is finally over and Cas zones out everything else on the radio. He is focused on his thoughts and his thoughts only. He really thinks over that last verse again. When Dean died, Cas still had Sam. But Sam left. And even years later, he still is lonely, and sad, and blue. And even though he misses Sam, most of those tears fell for Dean.

Cas misses Dean with all his heart. He misses his smile and his eyes and his freckles and his voice and even his fucking car. When Sam left, he took baby with him. Cas misses talking with Dean and laughing with Dean and everything and anything that has to do with Dean. It seems crazy that Cas’s life is basically revolved around Dean, even when he’s gone, but Cas loved Dean so much. Still does.

He also thinks of ways he could have told Dean he is in love with him. It could have been so simple. A quick, “Dean?” “Yeah, Cas?” “I love you,” and have it over with. He could have told him at a bar or after a hunt or when Cas was about to say his nightly good night. But he didn’t. And he still so badly wants to.

Very soon after this, he realizes he’s tired. Like, super tired. And he needs to sleep now. So he abandons the liquor and heads to his room. The tears are still streaming out of his eyes, but he doesn’t wipe them away. He just heads down the hall. But, before he enters his room and after he opens the door, he hesitates and has a quick debate in his head.

When he makes his decision, he quickly shuts the door, turns around and starts walking in the same direction he came from.

He stops in front of Dean’s room and stares. But eventually, he reaches down and turns the doorknob. When he opens the door and takes his first steps inside, he looks around. It’s hard on him to see Dean’s old bedroom but he wants to be in here. Cas goes over to Dean’s old dresser and looks at the old clothes inside. Without thinking, he strips down and puts on some clothes in the drawer. Cas already feels better.

When he’s done, he heads over to the bed and climbs under the covers. He is warm and comfortable in Dean’s old bed and the only thing to make this better is if Dean is here. But he’s not. And that thought brings chills down his spine. 

By now, the tears have stopped but that doesn’t mean he has stopped hurting. His thoughts are still filled with everything about Dean and he can’t stop thinking about him. He tries, but he can’t.

He knows of one thing that can stop the thoughts, so he does it. He sleeps. But even his dreams are filled with green eyes and perfect smiles. And even though Cas wants the pain to go away, he never wants to forget Dean.


End file.
